A Collaboration with David W. Butler High School's DREAM Team 

For today's teens, relationships don't end when the school day does. They continue through text messages, social media, gaming platforms, and shared apps. Technology helps teens stay connected, but it can also be used in ways that feel overwhelming, invasive, or unsafe. 

At David W. Butler High School, members of the DREAM Team, a student group committed to living lives free of drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and violence, see these realities up close every day.  

When asked what unhealthy trends they're noticing online, DREAM Team students pointed to patterns that often go unnoticed by adults but deeply impact teen well-being:  

• Challenge culture 
• Love bombing 
• Constant phone dependency 
• Dark humor that masks harm 
• Pressure around beauty standards 
• Cyberbullying 
• Content promoting extreme dieting or over-exercising 

"Teens participate in unhealthy or dangerous trends that are going viral. Lots of comparison, which leads to self-conscious teens being ashamed of themselves. Also, Cyberbullying is still a thing." 

Digital dating abuse is a growing concern for teens and the adults who care about them. Understanding what it looks like, and how to respond, can help prevent harm and support healthy relationships. 
For many teens, being online isn't optional; it's where you do schoolwork, where friendships form, relationships grow, and identity develops. Phones are how teens communicate, express themselves, and stay socially connected. 

This constant access can blur boundaries. Expectations to respond immediately, share locations, or stay "visible" online can feel normal, even when they're unhealthy. Because digital behaviors are so woven into daily life, it can be difficult for teens and parents alike to recognize when something crosses the line. 

What Is Digital Dating Abuse? 

Digital dating abuse is a pattern of behaviors used to control, monitor, threaten, or harass a dating partner through technology. 

It can happen through: 

• Text messages and direct messages 
• Social media platforms 
• Location-sharing or tracking apps 
• Email or shared logins 
• Online gaming or group chats 

Digital abuse does not require physical contact to cause harm. Repeated monitoring, pressure, or intimidation online can have serious emotional and psychological effects. 

Examples may include: 

• Demanding constant communication 
• Asking for passwords or access to accounts 
• Using location tracking to monitor movements 
• Threatening to share private messages or photos 
• Publicly embarrassing or harassing someone online 

One student mentioned, "I see a lot of controlling who your significant other follows, or what they wear and talk to." 

Why Digital Abuse Is Easy to Miss 

One reason digital dating abuse often goes unnoticed is because it can look like attention, affection, or protection. Jealousy may be framed as love. Constant texting may be framed as closeness. Location tracking may be framed as safety. 

But behind those behaviors, fear can grow. 

Teens may hesitate to speak up because they fear being judged, labeled dramatic, or seen as disloyal. They may worry about gaining a bad reputation, being isolated socially, or getting into trouble for sharing what's happening. 

When asked how fear of judgment impacts teens' willingness to reach out, the DREAM Team shared that social fallout can feel just as scary as the abuse itself. 

"If someone thinks that reaching out will make them appear "weak", "dramatic", or even "too much," they may decide that it's safer for them to keep everything they are struggling with to themselves. Even when they truly do need help, their brain tells them to "protect their reputation/how people see them" first." 

When teens feel trapped between staying silent or risking social consequences, many choose silence. 

Common Signs of Digital Dating Abuse 

Digital dating abuse can show up in many ways. Some red flags include: 

• Repeatedly checking online status or location 

• Becoming angry when messages go unanswered 
• Telling someone who they can follow or talk to 
• Pressuring them to delete posts or stop using certain apps 
• Repeated unwanted messages 
• Threats to share private images or conversations 
• Going through a phone without permission 
• Logging into accounts without consent 
• Changing online behavior to avoid conflict 

How Digital Abuse Impacts Teens 

Even when abuse happens digitally, the effects don't stay online. Teens experiencing digital dating abuse may struggle with depression, anxiety, stress, and fear. It can impact concentration at school, interfere with friendships, and leave teens feeling isolated or unsure of themselves. 

Because the abuse can feel constant, following them wherever their phone goes, it may feel impossible to escape. These emotional impacts are real and deserve to be taken seriously. 

What Teens Can Do If Digital Abuse Is Happening 

If something feels uncomfortable or controlling, that feeling matters. Teens deserve relationships that feel safe and respectful. 

When digital abuse is happening, teens may find it helpful to save messages or screenshots if it's safe to do so, adjust privacy settings, or block and report abusive behavior. Reaching out to a trusted adult, counselor, or advocate can provide support and help teens think through their options. 

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It's strength. 

When asked why speaking up takes courage, the DREAM Team emphasized that it reflects self-respect and independence. 

"Although commonly seen as a weakness, asking for help is a sign of genuine strength due to the amount of mental and physical efforts that it takes one to push aside all emotions and stigmas and ask for help. Because asking for help is such a taboo in our society, when someone does so, it breaks centuries of hardships placed on individuals." 

Reaching out shows you value your well-being. It can prevent bigger problems later. It takes humility and courage to say, "This isn't okay." 

How Adults Can Help Protect and Support Teens 

Adults play a critical role in preventing and responding to digital dating abuse. Support begins with listening, without judgment, blame, or immediate solutions. When teens feel believed and respected, they are more likely to share what's happening. 

Parents, caregivers, and educators can also learn about the platform's teens use and talk openly about boundaries, consent, and respect in digital spaces. These conversations don't need to be one-time talks. Ongoing, honest dialogue helps teens feel supported long before a problem escalates. 

David W. Butler High School's DREAM Team 

Prevention doesn't just happen in conversations; it happens through leadership. 

The DREAM Team at David W. Butler High School actively promotes healthy, substance-free, violence-free relationships throughout the year. Through bulletin boards, classroom presentations, social media campaigns, and interactive lunch activities, students are leading their peers toward safer choices. 

From Red Ribbon Week to 14 Days of Action to TURN AGAINST VIOLENCE campaigns, DREAM Team members consistently create spaces where healthy relationships are visible, discussed, and encouraged.  

By choosing to live free from substances and violence, these students are also choosing relationships rooted in respect. 

Follow David W. Butler High School's DREAM Team on Instagram: @dream_team_bhs 

Digital spaces should help teens connect, not control. By understanding the signs of digital dating abuse and having open conversations about healthy boundaries, we can help teens build relationships rooted in safety, trust, and respect. 

No teen should have to navigate this alone. Support is available, and early conversations can make a lasting difference.