One in 10 men in the U.S. has experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner and suffered some form of related impact. The Centers for Disease Control confirms what so many quietly endure. But the reality of male victims of domestic violence remains deeply buried beneath societal expectations and gender stereotypes.
Traditionally, intimate partner violence is portrayed as a woman's issue, with men cast as perpetrators. This stigma leads to a dangerous silence, as many men feel embarrassed or even ashamed to admit they're being hurt by their partners. The fear of not being believed--of being laughed at or ridiculed--runs deep. And for those in same-sex relationships, the complexity intensifies. If a man isn't open about his sexuality, reporting the abuse may feel impossible, especially if he fears being outed before he's ready. "What if they don't understand? What if they don't believe me?" These questions haunt men who are already grappling with a profound sense of isolation.
Ultimately, the root of this reluctance lies in a deep fear of damaging their masculinity. As Tim Williams, Director of Shelter Services at Safe Alliance, explains, "While there are many factors that go into why men are less likely to report, all of them point back towards masculinity being challenged." In a world that tells men to "man up" and "be tough," admitting vulnerability feels like a betrayal of everything they've been taught.
While more men are slowly finding the courage to report their abuse, they still face immense cultural and social barriers. These barriers are often woven into their upbringing, teaching them that asking for help is a sign of weakness.
How can we reduce this stigma?
Breaking this silence starts with listening. When men do report, they need to know they'll be taken seriously. It's crucial to create a space where they feel safe enough to share their stories without judgment or ridicule. More than anything, we need to educate society on what domestic violence truly looks like. As Tim Williams emphasizes, "By educating individuals on what domestic violence is and how to identify it, people will be more knowledgeable of the different types of abuse that can occur."
Abuse isn't always physical. It can manifest emotionally, financially, or through isolation. And it can happen to anyone--regardless of gender. That's why Safe Alliance is gender-inclusive, offering resources and support to anyone who needs it.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic or sexual violence, please call the 24/7 Greater Charlotte Hope Line at 980.771.4673. This free, confidential resource can connect you with Safe Alliance programs and other community services.