CW: Domestic Violence, Alcoholism, Stalking

Abuse comes in many forms, and in today's digital world, cyber abuse is an increasingly prevalent and insidious threat. For survivors, the impact extends far beyond the screen, infiltrating every aspect of life. This is the story of Audra, a strong, resilient survivor who navigated the terrifying world of cyber abuse and reclaimed her power with the help of Safe Alliance and her support system.

Growing up in the Northeast, Audra was raised in an environment where there were no glass ceilings. Her father was an orthopedic surgeon, and her mother was a stay at home mom. She attended an all-girls school that instilled in her a strong sense of confidence, teaching her that she was just as capable as any man. She went on to earn an undergraduate degree in Vermont, followed by a Master's in Business Administration from Queens University in Charlotte.

Her career flourished, eventually leading her to a leadership position as Director of Technical Support for a company that provides tablets to prisons, the only company in the U.S. that does not charge for communication through these devices. A second-chance employer, she hires and works alongside individuals with prior convictions, believing in the power of rehabilitation and fresh starts. She is also a devoted mother to a 13-year-old daughter.

Audra met her abuser in 2004, a man with two young sons in North Carolina. As their relationship progressed, they moved in together and she bought a house in 2008. In 2009, things started to change. He lost his job, and his struggles with anger and alcoholism intensified. Though there was little physical violence, there were moments of fear and intimidation, including a terrifying incident where he threatened himself with scissors while intoxicated.

Her pregnancy in 2012 was a turning point. "I was thrilled," Audra recalls, "but halfway through the pregnancy, I thought, 'I am going to end up doing this on my own. Am I ready for it?' And I was." 

The breaking point came in December 2013. One morning, she walked into the kitchen to find her abuser drunk at 7 a.m. "I didn't feel like my kids' watching cartoons were in danger, but I felt like I was in danger," she says. She knew deep down she had to get out. As she fled to a neighbor's house for help, he chased her down, got her into a car, and threatened to expose personal details about her life.

That day marked the end of their relationship. She chose to leave, for herself, and for her daughter. Once Audra's abuser moved out, she changed the locks and limited his access to their daughter, allowing him to visit only twice a week for dinner. But the abuse didn't stop, it evolved. "He bugged my house for an entire month. Then he retrieved the bugs and spent nights studying all the audio. It shook me to my core," she says. He had access to her laptop and used her passwords to infiltrate her Facebook account.

Despite reporting his actions, the legal system has struggled to keep up with new technology. "The biggest thing is that after I talked to a cyber detective, I was told "Judges don't understand it or how to prosecute it," Audra explains. A restraining order barred him from contacting her by fax, but there was nothing about texts or social media. Even when he FaceTimed her repeatedly, law enforcement couldn't prove it was him because she didn't answer. "Proving it was him beyond a shadow of a doubt was hard." 

Audra refused to suffer in silence. She confided in her family, finding unwavering support from her father. "I sat down with my dad and said, 'I'm not a perfect person.' He looked in my eyes and said, 'I feel like what you're about to tell me has nothing to do with you being a perfect person or not.'"

Her employer also stood by her, offering flexibility for court dates and legal battles. Safe Alliance became a crucial part of her journey. She was also assigned a Domestic Violence advocate who reminded her to take care of herself: encouraging her to eat and reclaim her life. "They said, 'Go to the park, where there are lots of people around you. You've done everything you can do. Take your mental real estate back,'" she remembers. 

Through therapy and support from organizations like Safe Alliance, she found strength. "Every time I spoke my story, another piece of my puzzle was put back in place," Audra says.

In 2015, she reconnected with her abuser, a decision that may seem surprising to some, but is a deeply human response shaped by fear, hope, and love. For many survivors, leaving isn't a straight path. In fact, it's common to return to an abuser multiple times, on average, seven times, before leaving for good. Abuse is complex, and the reasons someone returns are just as complex: fear, shame, lack of resources, concern for children, financial dependence, or simply the belief that things might finally change. 

When she ultimately made the decision to leave for good, it came with enormous courage and real danger. During this time, she had to call 911 fourteen times, and they always responded. Over the years, she worked closely with Safe Alliance staff to secure restraining orders and has learned how to navigate co-parenting through the app Our Family Wizard and Mecklenburg County's Safe Exchange.

How Cyber Abuse Changed Her Relationship with Technology

Today, Audra takes every precaution with her digital footprint. She uses LastPass for her passwords, avoids messaging on Facebook, and remains cautious about what she shares online. Her abuser once obtained her phone records, using them to harass people in her life. Now, she remains hyper-aware of every interaction. "Even texting, I think about everything I send."

Her message to those experiencing cyber abuse is clear:

• File a restraining order or DVPO.
• Seek help and don't be afraid to reach out. Safe Alliance and other support networks exist to provide guidance and safety.
• Report every violation. "Zero tolerance in my world. However they communicate with you, file the report. If you don't, it will get more and more intense. Never let that door open."
• Use every tool available. Whether it's a cyber detective, legal protection, or support groups, survivors must equip themselves with resources.

Audra wants the world to understand that cyber abuse is real abuse. Too often, society dismisses digital harassment as trivial, failing to recognize its devastating impact. "People often think, 'Oh well, they're just posting on Facebook, they did this.' No, it doesn't matter. We need to evolve and accept that abuse is abuse, no matter the vehicle."