Domestic violence and sexual assault experiences can be difficult for individuals to feel comfortable speaking about with others. When referring to the individual who experienced these traumatic events, it is important to refer to them in an appropriate way. Many well-meaning community members are uncertain whether the term "victim" or "survivor" is best.  

A victim is typically used to refer to someone who has recently been abused or experienced domestic or sexual violence. Whereas a survivor is referred to as someone who has either begun, currently in, or successfully completed their healing process. The term victim focuses on the violent action, while the term survivor discusses how they overcame this instance. A victim can suggest a more negative mentality while a survivor can capture a more optimistic outlook. By calling someone a survivor it suggests that despite these difficult circumstances they are continuing to persist and regain agency over their life. The most important thing given these situations is to attentively listen as these stories can sometimes rehash old emotions.  

The term victim is typically used in law enforcement or the legal system as it serves as a technical indicator that the individual has been abused whether it is physical, sexual, emotional, financial, or verbal. However, when you are talking with the individual, the best term to use is often survivor. When speaking to this individual, it is important to not impress how you think they should get help because they just had their power stripped away by their abuser. Rather, you should listen, provide open and flexible support, and remind them that you believe them.  

At Safe Alliance, we want to use whatever terminology makes people feel heard. According to Jasmine Hensley, Director of the Greater Charlotte Hope Line, "When using the word 'victim' it can induce feelings of sympathy. We don't want someone to feel sympathy, we want someone to feel compassion and understanding to minimize the stigma around this because this can happen to anyone."  The goal of survivor-centered language is to instill hope.  

However, at Safe Alliance you are not going to be called a victim or survivor if you do not identify with being either one.  "Everyone's journey from victim to survivor is different, and at Safe Alliance, we just follow their lead," Jasmine noted.  By the time individuals come to Safe Alliance, they have told their family or friends that might not have supported them, and by respecting and following their lead, this can help diminish this re-traumatization.  

By using language that they are comfortable with the individual will feel more empowered and supported when speaking about this issue. "The language we use influences how the individual communicates with us," Jasmine continues.  

If you need advice offering support to a loved one who is experiencing domestic violence or sexual assault, please call the 24/7 Greater Charlotte Hope Line at 980.771.4673.  An advocate can offer help even if you are not the person experiencing abuse.